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Sunday, 19 November 2017

A Liturgy for Gun Safety in Church

Archdruid: And so we as we stand in unity with whoever has suffered the most recent mass-shooting we give thanks for those who carry their guns to church, to ensure everyone's safe and nobody gets hurt.

81-year-old Bloke from Tennessee: Indeed, the Lord has given unto me this gun so that I can protect myself and my wife from harm.

The 81-year-old Bloke from Tennessee accidentally discharges his gun, injuring himself and his wife.

Archdruid: And even as we pray that the 81-year-old Bloke from Tennessee and his wife are healed, we cannot help but reflect that irony is not dead.

Local NRA Rep: See if somebody else had had a gun, they could have shot the 81-year-old Bloke from Tennessee's gun out of his hand, before he managed to shoot himself and his wife.

Charlii: Is that realistic?

Local NRA Rep: No, not really. Oh - look! A murderer! Quick! Shoot him!

Archdruid: Put the gun down you idiot. It's just Burton Dasset.

Local NRA Rep: No there!  Look!

Charlii: That's a squirrel.

Local NRA Rep: A murderous squirrel?

Archdruid: And so, as we pray for the United States to overcome its terrible addiction to guns capable of mass slaughter, we reflect that the only thing safer than an American with a gun....

Local NRA Rep: Is a load of Americans with even more guns!

Archdruid: They put people on the moon. You've gotta wonder.


  1. You could not make this up. (Did they take guns to the moon? Just in case they met a squirrel? Or Burton Dasset?)

  2. What has shocked me is learning that some American clergy seem to think it is quite ok for the congregation to be armed and even for the clergy to be armed. How did America get to that stage?


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