Imagine there's no heaven

On this most holy of St John Lennon's day we are full of mixed feeling.

He was, after all, a member of the Beatles. Those loveable mop-tops who became a bunch of tedious middle-aged hippies in so short a time. He was one of the talented 3 out of the 4, and yet he was also one of the interesting 2 out of the 4. And the only one of the four to marry a Japanese modern artist.

And yet some of our more literalist Beaker People, hearing "imagine there's no heaven", have gone out and punched some of the Gibbon Moon Folk on the grounds that "there's no heaven, so who's going to stop us?"
Well, the obvious answer is - I will. So said Beaker Folk are now lying bruised around the central quad, while I work out what their more long-term punishment should be.
Obviously I'm not saying that atheists have no moral code. In fact, to be fair, their real problem is that they're generally so boring. Especially on the Internet, where they're liable to hide behind their keyboards, pouring scorn on the Flying Spaghetti Monster and imagining how attractive they're making themselves to the young ladies who at that very moment are far more interested in the non-militant-atheists who actually leave their mother's houses. But still.

As St Elvis of Costello put it, "was it a millionaire who said 'imagine no possessions'?" And that's the crux of the problem with "Imagine". It was hypocrisy when written, and it is now. Lennon invited us to imagine no heaven - and no possessions - and yet made sure he clung onto his possessions himself. He didn't live up to his own pseudo-ideals. To be sure, none of us do. But then the belief that, whatever we believe we shouldn't do, we go and do them anyway - that belongs to another belief system. One that doesn't believe humanity is perfectible on its own.

But happy birthday, John Lennon. And if you've discovered that there is, in fact, a heaven - let's pray you're singing and playing rhythm.  And thanks for the Beatles.