The Hnaefs have now gone off for the weekend to Brussels, Archdruid Eileen was last seen building a Wicker Person to get more light, and Drayton Parslow is refusing to come back unless somebody repents. And so, Dear Readers, it appears that I am still in charge of the Community. And I have been thinking about imposing some proper spiritual rigour. What we need is process. What a certified accountant sees, looking around this community, is a total lack of people filling in forms.
So from now on, every Beaker Person is to write a Spiritual Update each day. It must include the ways in which they progressed today, the ways in which they intend to progress tomorrow, and any spiritual blockers that may prevent them making that progress. I expect to see the Updates at 9pm promptly each night. Starting tomorrow, obviously. I shall be issuing a pad of forms to each Beaker Person in the morning.
It has also become apparent that we are terribly slack about the way we manage spiritual experiences. Currently any Beaker Person wanting to have a spiritual experience can just go and do it. No governance, no management, no control. So I am introducing form SE1 - Spiritual Experience Request. From now on, any Beaker Person wanting to have a spiritual experience, or feeling one coming on. must fill in an SE1. That SE1 will be approved by his or her Spiritual Auditor - a Spiritual Auditor being like a Spiritual Director, but with circular glasses and no share options. Once it is approved by the Spiritual Auditor, and I have counter-signed it (or another approved member of the Druidic Council) and presuming the moment hasn't passed,the Beaker Person can feel free to enjoy their spiritual experience. Afterwards, we will ask them to fill in either an SE2/E (edifying spiritual experience) or SE2/D (disappointing spiritual experience) or, in really extreme circumstances, SE2/F (frightening spiritual experience).
Likewise with the issuing of tea lights. From now on, anyone wanting to light one tea light for a minor spiritual lift will only have to fill in the SE3/TL form. On the other hand, someone planning a major tea light-related event, such as a tea light labyrinth or a cross, Celtic Knot or other spiritual tea light shape on the floor or focus table of the Moot House will have to fill in an ISE/1 (Illuminated spiritual event) form and have it approved by the Druidic Council.
From now on, there will also be no slackness over the counting of attendants at acts of worship. Two tellers will be assigned at every worship event, with the job of enumerating the congregation. In the event of any difference of opinion, we will lock the doors of the Moot House until we know the answer. We don't know what we will do with the numbers, but we will make sure they are right. In the same way that offerings in the future will be double-counted and safely put in the community bank account, instead of being thrown in an old yellow bucket labelled "Eileen's Slush Fund".
So that is my future for the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley. Tidy, methodical, and above all - measured. I can't wait.
I will be glad when Arch Druid Eileen is restored to us.
ReplyDeleteThe nightmare for honest, hard working (well sometimes) Beaker Folk, trying to just get on with things, so they can get down to the White Horse seems to me to be unending.
What with religious zealots and now a retired, superannuated accountant persecuting them, I believe they would prefer the robust, (un)democratic, despotism of the Arch Druid - at least they can light a tea light without form filling.
Perhaps you should apply for a job with the local police force, who appear to have to complete a form for breathing - it would be right up your street.