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Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Cats - A Corrective

I realise this is going to shock some people. But it has to be said. Although the picture shown here is of a cat being cute and attractive - this is an impression they like to give. They're only too happy to be photographed while playing with string, laying on their backs, or hilariously falling off things and pretending not to be embarrassed.
This cat may look like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. But he is preparing for a quick left-paw dip into the pond to remove a shubunkin.
 The thing you don't realise (and I'm hoping to get this post out before they notice) is that cats own the Internet. They control it. They are using it to make you think they are friendly, sociable animals. All this stuff about the NSA monitoring web traffic - the NSA are amateurs compared to a decent British Domestic Shorthair, when it comes to playing with its prey (us) before administering a quick bite to the back of the neck. They're having you on, luring you in until they can get enough of their friends round to make you the next course.

This cat is carrying out musocide in another dimension - which is why she is a little blurry. Note that the room is littered with cat toys - a sign of who is in charge of the establishment.

Cats scream all night, fighting and mating. They massacre the wildlife for miles around. They leave stray organs of former rodents laying around on your floor. They make your house smell of cat wee.

Catz iz not nize.


9 comments :

  1. Cardinal Furretti and Monsignor Miaowrini have asked me to tell you that they will shortly be paying you a visit to show you the error of your ways... Just as soon as they have finished their naps.

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  2. You obviously haven't observed the warning signs of the adverts with Cats with the ability to gang up on you. Because our tribe will be along to see you soon and I hope that your armour is up to the challenge.

    Cats rule facebook and that should be a warning enough!!!

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  3. Agree completely and am trying my utmost to ensure all cats in my neighbourhood understand that coming into my garden is not good for their health ......

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  5. The best way of making sure you don't get neighbourhood cats in your garden is to have your own cat. That's how devious they are.

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  6. I thought everyone knew that the whole purpose of the internet was to make sure the supply of cute cat pictures and videos never runs out!

    My own two want me to assure you that they really are sweet cuddly affectionate creatures. They told me that themselves after they'd politely reminded me for at least half an hour that the sun was up and they were hungry and it was my fault.

    There is no way to keep cats out of a garden. My father discovered that a garden hose works, but only as long as someone is actually prowling the garden with the garden hose, which is impractical 24/7, and often illegal if there are water use restrictions.

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  7. Cats is purrfectly nice.
    The fact that there is a large furry paw on my carotid artery is just a sign of affection. Isn't it?

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  8. 3 comments on the incarnational aspects of Biblical translation. 8 in one day on cats.

    Found a level...

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