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Monday, 17 June 2013

Rules for Men in the Beaker Folk

Yes, I know. We've struggled by with the informal arrangements for too long. It was time to sort it out - especially after I caught Burton trying to explain that, in modern economic conditions, the Parable of the Talents should have the servants going bankrupt and demanding that their master bail them out by floating themselves on the Stock Market. We've got to get a grip on the role of men in the Beaker Folk.

Look, I'm not saying that men should keep completely quiet. Who would be without their charming prattle about the 4-4-2 system? And their odd belief, in discussions between themselves, that much younger women might consider them to be attractive is quite humorous in its surreal self-delusion. But on matters of doctrine, you've got to be more careful. After all, while women are creative and productive of life, men are associated with destruction - natural, with all that testosterone and those Y-chromosomes. So it's pretty obvious who really needs to keep things under control round here.

So these are the new rules:

  1. No man is to give an opinion on anything except football or real ale, if there are any women present.
  2. Actually, no man is to give an opinion on real ale if there are women present. They may know what they're talking about, but it's a very, very dull subject.
  3. Men may teach other men about spiritual matters. They'll probably get it wrong, but at least if it's only with other blokes they'll not do too much harm. If there's a woman around, it would be best that she either doesn't listen, or ideally takes over.
  4. Men may not fill up beakers, but they may pour them out. You've got to have a system, haven't you?
  5. Any man suggesting a course of action will be advised to have a sit and a calm down while the wiser gender work out precisely what is wrong with it.
  6. Hnaef is allowed to carry out his duties as Executive Arch-Assistant Druid, as he's very posh, so people don't take him so seriously.
  7. The Archruid's decision is final. No correspondence will be entered into.

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