Q: The Express tells us there's a Supermoon today. Could it mean the end of the world?
A: Oh yes, not a doubt about it.
Q: What? Aren't you supposed to say it's all fine?
A: Haven't you read the article? It's terrifying. The third Supermoon this year. Gotta mean something.
Q: But isn't it just a statistical thing? You've gotta have the moon nearest some times?
A: Oh yeah. But have you read those ancient olde prophecies? And then what with the Perseid meteor showers.....
Q: But aren't the astronomers all really excited, because the moon is so much closer and easier to observe?
A: Astronomers down the years have found that telescopes have the ability to make the moon look bigger whenever they want. Full moon is always a bad time to observe the moon because it's too bright. And what with apocalyptic super-storm Bertha..... We're all doomed. Who's gonna worry about studying craters?
Q: So not good observational conditions?
A: All irrelevant. The star-gazers are all in their secret temple beneath the Royal Astronomical Society, sacrificing an emu and praying to the Moon Gibbon to have mercy.
Q: You've worried me now.
A: Well, stop reading the Express, you prat. There's real people in this world with terrifying problems. Stop encouraging low-grade tabloids to make up cosy apocalypses for you.