Breaking news...

Monday, 30 May 2016

The Church of Saint Edward the Previous Vicar

Welcome to the website of the church of Saint Edward the Previous Vicar.

The church of St Edward the Previous Vicar is dedicated to the blessed memory of St Edward. Who was the previous vicar, in case you were wondering.

St Edward was a paradigm of ecclesiastical virtue. The father of four beautiful, well-behaved children. His wife, St Mrs Edward, kept herself to herself, didn't have any airs or graces, and was content merely to lead the Sunday School, play the organ, bake cakes for the fetes, lead the Under 4s Tot's Group, the Mothers' Union and the Jam-making Circle.

St Edward the Previous Vicar was a man of enormous resources and talents. He was available to all members of the parish at all times. Including his day off - indeed, especially his day off. His sermons, although only four minutes long, were beautifully-researched pieces of theology, full of brilliant illustrations and amusing stories. He had a psychic ability to know exactly what church building maintenance was required - including an uncanny ability to leave the pews exactly where they are. He was dedicated to all the hymns written between 1871 and 1872 - allowing the organist to play nothing else.

When St Edward the Previous Vicar was the vicar, the Parish Share was always easily paid, even when nobody gave any money in the collection. And the church was full. Completely full. People used to queue up. And there were hundreds of kids in the Sunday School. Hundreds.

The history of the name of the Church of St Edward the Previous Vicar is interesting. Until 2011, it was known as the Church of St Brian the Previous Vicar. St Brian was a holy man. So holy was the man that, by comparison with St Brian, the vicar at the time was, to be honest, a bit of a disappointment.

History does not record the name of the vicar at the time that the church was dedicated to St Brian the Previous Vicar. But we can assume he probably wasn't very good.

6 comments :

  1. What paragons of virtue these mythical Vicar's are. Herbert would be proud of them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The small comfort in this is that whilst one's current parish may treat one very badly indeed - you know that somewhere people are venerating the memory of you and talking fondly about you

    ReplyDelete
  3. This will now be a part of the packet of materials we give every vestry and search committee in our diocese as they prepare to search for a new rector...it's a 50-50 split between those who venerate the last incumbent and those who rode the poor soul out on a rail.

    ReplyDelete
  4. In my first parish, I followed one of these. There was consternation in the pews that my husband might not live up to his predecessor's culinary achievements...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes, we know this place well. Pity the vicar who follows one who died in post.

    ReplyDelete

Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl