Saturday, 14 May 2016

A Generic Pentecost / Eurovision Sermon

When the disciples spoke, they were understood in many different languages.

Now, at this point some Pentecosticals would say that this was down to a miracle. But let's be honest, that's a bit unlikely isn't it? And I'm going to say that the more likely explanation - one that's been ignored by nearly everybody except a load of liberal scholars down the ages - is that in fact they were all praising God in Koine Greek. And the reason why the people from all over the known world understood them is because they all spoke Greek as well. But, in the excitement of having these men (and possibly women) running around praising God in a language they understood - instead of Hebrew, which they probably wouldn't - they fell into the confusion of believing the disciples were all praising in their own language.
The Common European Lovely Horse
I mean, clearly they apostle couldn't speak in all the languages of the people there - 12 disciples but 16 different mentioned races. So you know it makes sense.

Which is, in many ways, like the Eurovision Song Contest, isn't it? Just like the Jews in Jerusalem, people will have come from across the world continent with a common purpose - in the case of Eurovision, to celebrate camp Europop and dreadful string arrangements. They came from many places and many languages, to the centre of the Eurovision religion - Stockholm. And yet they join together as one, reversing the curse of Babel as they praise in the common language. Pop.

And it is this unity - first modelled by those disciples, and latterly by Belgians in sequins - that the people of the "Brexit" campaign are trying to destroy. But we must resist. Don't forget, when you vote in the referendum, that it is not just milk subsidies and straight bananas we are voting over - we are also upholding our right to listen to fat blokes in lederhosen singing in that weird half-American, half-Austrian accent about their love for unspecified goatherds.

So let us follow in the steps of St Peter - uphold our common heritage - and ensure that we reject Farage and all his delusions of freedom. For the Euro-pop we hold in common is greater than the things that divide us. Let's rock!


  1. Boris as PM with Farage as his enforcer. The worst of all worlds.... oh no, not THE worst. THE worst would be them using a Eurovision song as their rallying call, something like Boom-Bang-A-Bang.

  2. Ever since I came across it many years ago, at school, the tendency to explain away the miracle of speaking in tongues at Pentecost has puzzled me. At school, the favoured explanation (favoured by the person who taught it, that is) was that the whole account was metaphorical. (Every time people come across something indigestible in the New Testament, they appeal to metaphor. The Barren Fig Tree is another victim).

    Why is it possible to believe everything extraordinary in the accounts, from the Annunciation onwards, and then baulk at Pentecost?


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