Wednesday, 11 May 2016

Situations Vacant: Bishop of Berwick

Applications are invited for the vacant post of Suffragan bishop of Berwick.

An excellent benefits package including 25 days paid holiday per year (Plus Bank Holidays and 3 NCI Holidays), Interest free season ticket loan, pensions package and childcare vouchers.

Contract Type: Permanent, 35 hours per week

Could you help the Church of England "reach out" to a Millennial generation in the North East of England? We haven't the faintest idea what "Millennial" means, but we keep reading the word in the Guardian so it must be pretty trendy. We're hoping it hasn't got anything to do with the end of the world, as if it has then frankly we're wasting our time posting this ad.

We are looking for someone who can create change by inspiring and supporting others in a wide network with a strong track record of delivery. That previous sentence doesn't actually mean anything, but we'd really like it if you can act like it does. Professional knowledge of Millennial Christianity and/or working as a barrista would be an advantage.

This role does not have an occupational requirement to be a Christian. We particularly encourage applications from BAME individuals, as they are currently underrepresented in this organisation. Sure, that's because a lot of BAME people are Hindus or Muslims. But don't let that put you off. Members of the non-Christian religions seem to be a lot keener than the Church of England on that whole "religion" concept so we're very excited about the whole thing.

We welcome applications from candidates of all Religions and Beliefs, Race, Age, Sexual Orientation and all factors irrelevant to a person's working ability. Thought, obviously, keep quiet about that whole Sexual Orientation business. Especially if you're married.

The Church of England. Diverse, vibrant and wondering what on earth we're here for.

No relation at all to this. I definitely didn't read the original advert, comment on it and then discover it had been taken down.

And inspired by this:


  1. Familiarity with the lower leagues of Scottish football would be an advantage

  2. cant find link to application form and do i need to inform my arch dreamycon?

  3. The see has been in abeyance since 1572, so there's no real hurry.

  4. What's an NCI holiday? Also, aren't many of the public holidays precisely the days he or she should be working?

  5. Don't you need to have an USA, Internet Ordination Certificate to Qualify (useful if you wan't do do the occasional offices) and even lead Worship in a tradition, that you might be familiar with. And a #DonaldTrump accent and hair makeover might be an advantage, along with an interest in independence :)


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