You turn your back for one minute and what happens?
I went up to Town today for the William Stukeley Approval Society AGM. It doesn't really do much, to be honest. We just sit around, think about William Stukeley and approve. Not about everything he did, of course - we're not into uncritical hero-worship here.
But I came back after an agreeable dinner to find that schism has broken out again. This time, unlikely as it may sound, a row broke out over the desserts were served. Raughrie, normally a competent if unadventurous assistant chef, had really gone for it with a courgette cake. Several Beaker Folk declared that courgette cake was an offence unto the nostrils of the Lord, and demanded "some proper cake". Black cherry cheesecake was apparently mentioned as a food fit for Beaker People. Raughrie, in umbrage, declared that if people weren't with him they were against him - and accused carrot cake fans of being wishy-washy liberals. Some of the more progressive cheesecake people said that blackcurrants were acceptable, while others said that courgette cake may have been produced from the kitchen of the Dark One, but they would defend the rights of the vile degenerates that liked it to eat it. While yet another bunch said that all cake produce was wrong, quoting the verse "blessed be the quiche-makers".
Another group said that they should encourage the consumption of multi-coloured sponges - or to put it another way, some have entertained angel cake.
And others broke away completely, eschewed cake-based products of all kind, and vowed only to eat processed pork products. They're calling themselves United Reformed Ham.
Drayton Parslow wandered in at this point and got into a deep discussion as to whether quiche breached Old Testament food laws, while a courgette-cake-fight broke out between the different sects and the walls ended up smeared with it. It's amazing how that man's deep interest in all things spiritual make him completely oblivious to what's going on in the "natural" - if you can call people being knee-deep in gateau "natural", that is.
So I've come back to this absolute shambles and of course all these muffin martyrs and croissant crusaders won't be clearing up the mess. Oh no. As usual it will be down to Yours Truly to tell Charlii she's got to do that. And in the morning I guess I'll just have to start banging heads together again. We've a lot of bad blood to shed - if I've not got my metaphors a bit mixed there. Let them eat cake? Not after tonight.
With thanks for inspiration to @thirstygargoyle @sjcoltrane @wombat37 @rosamundi @sallysjourney and @catherinestead.
Oh, gosh. I was thinking of asking my daughter (the Cupcake Queen of Hoddesdon) to make some mini-cupcakes for our Annual Sunday School Exhibition next Sunday. (Ie the yearly occasion when the rest of the congregation realises that something vaguely goes on with the kiddi-winks while the darlings are safely in the church hall of a Sunday am)
ReplyDeleteBut now, with cake schism on the horizon, I[m having second thoughts.
I still think that sacrificing pigeons (and being very efficient at cleaning up the blood) is more Biblical than cupcakes. Alas none of my colleagues agrees. Chiz.