Guidance for Welcoming Visitors

Fellow Funambulist Baptists - I realise that at times we have failed to make our visitors to Bogwulf Baptist Chapel totally welcome. Occasionally we do have a visitor - normally when they wander in looking for the nearest pub - but we have never taken them through the seven vital steps from wanderer-in to dedicated Baptist very well, in my opinion. Verily, as a group we should each individually repent - recognising the failure that each of us has been in our personal evangelism with these easiest of evangelistic targets - people actually within the doorway of Salem itself. And to lead us upwards to more closely walk with the Lord and our visitors, with my long experience of dealing with church newcomers, I am glad to offer the following advice.

Your first question should be "Hello - are you under the Blood?" This will help you to understand the spiritual status of the visitor almost immediately. If they smile happily, look you in the eye (normally the right one) and say "Oh yes" - you know we have a kindred spirit - or at least one on the way to being kindred. You now merely have to determine whether they are pre-, post- or a-millennial, and whether their church is truly independent or whether their leader is being discipled. After which you can decide whether the visitor can join us in worship or should be thrown in to the outer darkness, where there is wailing and flapping of corduroy flares.

If on the other hand your visitor looks confused you have a more complex and pastorally difficult task ahead of you. I would normally scale your answer back slightly - there is still a chance that the visitor is some kind of Christian, or at least someone who could pass for such in a dark environment. DO NOT be confused, they will almost certainly not be saved. But you will have, at the least, a common language.

It is almost inevitable that the visitor, if they have not run screaming from the building after the first question, will try to strike up some sort of conversation.With prayer and fasting in advance, the Spirit will give you the words to say. Therefore it would be presumptuous of me to give advice. He will be with you. All will be well - and if the visitor still blunders off into the Slough of Despond or Forest of Inevitable Doom, it will not be your fault. God will have decided that one for you.

But if you have fallen into dreadful sin over the prior few days, it is entirely possible that God will leave you to struggle on your own. But in these circumstances I think it is right that you should attempt to engage the visitor in godly conversation, and attempt to recover your own salvation later. Since you will at this point have no inspiration available, I will assume that that the visitor will first make a comment, which you will then be able to respond to according to my set of answers. You never know when you will fall into sin and depravity just before this kind of encounter. So I suggest you print off this list of responses, laminate it and keep it with you at all times - perhaps you could hang it round your neck?

Visitor	Godly believer, fallen temporarily into backsliding
"That's rather odd green crockery. What's it called?"	"Beryl. I had an aunty Beryl*. But she died and now she'll be in hell because she was an Anglican."
"This is an old chapel, isn't it?"	"600 years old. Doesn't it make you humble, thinking you are in the presence of God in a building a whole tenth of the age of the Universe?"
"So does your pastor always preach sermons that long?"	"Shh. He's just finished the first point."
"I just popped in to try and find the way to Woburn Safari Park?"	"Wide is the road and easy the path to Woburn Safari Park. But narrow is the path that leads to salvation. Oh - you really do want to go to the Safari Park? Left at the White Horse and it's on your right."
"You going to watch the football later?"	"Not much point - the world's going to end. We may not know the day or the hour, but we can be assured that it will."
"Oh, I see you serve coffee after the service. I used to worship at a church in London where they used to give you sherry."	"Coffee is stimulant enough, my friend. Trust not to the juice of the sherry-bean, which stimulates the wilder passions and causeth the behaviour of maiden aunts to become completely unsuitable - especially at Christmas."
"It's rather cold in here, isn't it?"	"Yes - but don't worry, it's much warmer where you're going, if you don't immediately repent!" [This is a joke**. You should indicate this by smiling at the end of the sentence. Smiling can be achieved by turning up the corners of one's mouth.]
"You've two rather lovely young ladies singing in the Music Group. What are their names?"	"Kylie and Kayleigh. But lust is of the Dark One. I suggest you repent immediately, lest a tower should fall on you on your way home"

* You may not have a deceased Aunt Beryl who was an Anglican. To claim this would be a lie, stoking up the fires for you even more. So I recognise you tweak the name of the female relative, and her denomination (or none) to suit your own circumstances. Of course, it won't really help as the crockery is Beryl.
** Actually, it is not really a laughing matter. But we must aim to keep light-hearted in some of our exchanges with unbelievers - "I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some." (1 Cor 9:22)