When Metaphors Go Bad

Why, asks Chairman Bill, do metaphors fly under the radar?

This question was brought back to my mind this morning by a correspondent who remarked on a comment from the BBC weather forecaster. The rain around the UK, according to this forecaster (or presenter - I'm never sure about the exact scientific qualifications of people who tell us the weather) was becoming more "organised".

It's an expression we've all heard, sure. But what on earth does it mean? At ground level how would we tell the difference between organised and disorganised rain? Does organised rain fall vertically in a solid block, while disorganised rain shoots across sideways, occasionally randomly shooting up out of the ground instead for a bit of a laugh?

It's some kind of metaphor, sure. To someone from the Met Office, used to radar maps and warm fronts - it might make sense - it's just us it's meaningless to. Rather like when Burton refers to the Community network server as "flaky". I thought he meant it was always "falling over" - and assumed they were both metaphors. But oddly enough when I went down to the computer cupboard (I can't really call it a "room" - it's only about the same size as Burton's office) I found the server laying on its side and covered in fragments of pastry.

But back to the rain, the Met Office's suggestion that the rain is getting organised suggests some kind of controlling intelligence - given rain all on its own is only "organised" in any meaningful way when it's frozen. And rain notoriously has no brain. Perhaps, as with the people that police and community officials blame for riots, the cause lies in "outside influences"? And I think I've found the answer in Psalm 148:

"Praise the LORD from the earth,you great sea creatures and all ocean depths,
lightning and hail, snow and clouds, stormy winds that do his bidding"

So we have the organising genius identified. But in that case - if the rain is organised by the Lord, who is the Met Office suggesting is trying to control it (and failing) when it's dis-organised? I think the answer is obvious. It's the people at Number 10, currently wondering why every brewery in the country has refused to let them organise parties on the premises.

Powerful things, metaphors. But they're two-edged swords. If, for example, somebody 3000 years ago came up with a metaphor for God - describing God in the terms of the day as the head of a family in a patriarchal society, or as the conquering ruler of a nation - with the normal ideals of kingship and warrior kingdoms - that would be a really great metaphor - laden with symbolism, getting to the heart of something about God's nature. But like most metaphors, you wouldn't want to push it to far, would you? After all, it might break.