Friday, 13 October 2017

Where the Wild Stuff Is

Scientists announce they have discovered half the missing mass of the universe.

A great achievement.

In late news, the remaining missing mass has been identified as:

  • Odd socks
  • Biros (thank you Douglas Adams)
  • Reading glasses
  • Fluff left in the bath
  • Alternative Service Books "just in case"
  • Brexiteers' Hopes
  • 20p pieces down the sofa
  • Jeremy Corbyn's home-made jam
  • Euro 96 caps
  • Garlic that's 12 months out of date in the fridge
  • Failed Brexit strategies
  • Old service sheets nobody could get round to throwing away
  • Arsene Wenger's unsigned resignation letters
  • The brushings from hipsters' beards
  • Cat fur shed on people's sweaters
  • Unwanted keyrings
  • Dork matter
  • Crusty bits off cheese
  • Unread books by Richard Dawkins
  • Unread poems by Rowan Williams


  1. The lead researcher said: "Sorry, it was in my other trousers all the time..."

  2. the missing mass in our church is at 8am this week ;)

  3. You might add the alleged 450 million of old pound coins still in circulation.


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