Any port in a storm

How truly it is said we are like butterflies, whose merest flap of the wings can cause a light breeze, given the right conditions, in Woburn Sands or even Heath and Reach. I would like to thank Amanda for drawing the correlation between our Lenten observances here in Husborne Crawley and the Portugese financial crisis. How truly we are at the mercy of powers beyond our control! Especially the Law of Unseen Consequences.

I note that the Spanish banks are now in the firing line - and of course, Santander is a Spanish bank and that could contaminate the UK. And if that happened then the Halifax, as part of the Lloyds group, could suffer and we could stop having to see those crass and patronising adverts where people pretend to be working for the Halifax's Radio Station with amusing consequences. And frankly that girl who says "ISA, ISA baby" is pretty scary. So I can see the good side of the financial crisis as well.

But still, I thought if I caused the problem I should be part of the solution. So I phoned George Osborne and he told me I should get off the phone and buy a dustcart so I could help collect the rubbish and form part of the Big Society.

So instead I phoned Ed Balls. He told me I should borrow a load of money, and drink port as fast as I can - Portugal needs me.

I won't pretend the second doesn't sound more appealing. But I'm not sure that, with the NHS under pressure, it needs me consuming port at that rate. And besides - it's Lent.

So I shall just have to console myself that, with the money I'm saving in port, and Portugal under financial pressure, I may be able to buy the Algarve a year earlier than I was expecting.