Life, the Twitterverse and Everything

I note Bryony Taylor's posting on "What would Jesus Tweet?" Interesting, useful and some good ideas for luring Christians onto Twitter. But I'd like to add some more. Mostly this is "don't only... but also".
I should point out that my Twitter activity is somewhat limited these days (to 1 tweet and 2 followers) but I'd hope that doesn't impinge in any way on my advice.

• Don't just follow Christian leaders. Firstly because their lives tend to be fairly dull - hopping around from conference to conference, constantly telling everybody how blessed they are. Secondly because they'll never post anything really interesting on Social Networking unless they're certain bishops. If you follow lots of Christian leaders you're really replicating the "real" Twitter world, where everybody re-tweets anything posted by Stephen Fry or Jonjo Shelvey, and hopes that proves they're real friends.  
• Don't just keep tweeting Bible verses, or how blessed you are. Unless you only wish to be followed by other boring Christians doing the same thing. And if all you want to read is Bible Verses, switch the PC off and get a Bible. Unless your Bible is on your PC, in which case switch the PC back on again and read it.
• Do tweet interesting opinions about things that aren't, or are only tangentially, connected to your faith. This is an electronic world, not a cyber-ghetto. If you want to be salt and light, it's no good staying in the salt cellar or the ...um... light cellar?
• Don't do complicated sums to work out your ratio of followers to people you follow, to work out how much more loved you are. Especially if you have 2 followers and you only follow 1 person. That's just sad.
• Don't get addicted to hashtag games. Or you may find you've not written your sermons/assignments/shopping lists when you need them.
• If you're a famous Christian leader, or even a small-town pastor, don't tweet complaints about the responsiveness of your congregation. Don't complain that the Organist is a psychopathic control freak with no people skills and the keyboards ability of a fruit-bat. Even if (s)he is. Don't tell everyone how much you dread the archdeacon's visits because his breath smells of Camembert when he's close up. Don't explain why you were that close up.
• Your spouse must appear to the world of Twitter to be affectionate, helpful and supportive. Don't post your hatred of your wife, or your husband's sexual failings.
• If you do, please don't post the details of your messy divorce.
• Don't tweet when drunk. Don't upload photographs of yourself when in this condition.
• Don't threaten to blow up airports (see notes on "irony", below).
• Don't tweet to everyone that you're on holiday. It's a public forum. You may as well put it up on the speed limit sign at the end of your road. Drayton is safe in this regard as last time anyone raided his house, Marjorie ended up with a caution for violent assault.
• Don't tweet stuff you wouldn't shout out in the office. Your PC is not a confessional - it's the mystic portal to a huge world, many of whom are scary.
• Do block and report as spam anyone called kirsty543223. Do not flirt with her. Do not send her money. Do not fall in love with her.
• Feel free to campaign. Just bear in mind that for everyone campaigning Yes2AV, there's an equal sad person campaigning No2AV. For everyone campaigning for Equal rights for Puffins, there's someone who enjoys deep-fried puffin. For everyone campaigning against abortion there's someone else who supports the right to choose. Don't let this stop you campaigning, just remember that someone's going to argue with you. And remember that many of the people in Iran who used Twitter during the demonstrations are now in prison or dead. Say a prayer for them. And then remember that before you build a castle, you have to consider whether you have the materials.
• Don't argue with people. It only attracts the scary ones.
• If you give up Twitter for Lent, don't keep popping back on to see what's happening.
• Finally, most of all. For all Britons in particular - remember that 140 characters is not always enough to convey irony. You may think that your dead-pan writing style is hilarious. Someone else may think it's terrifying, or disrespectful, or deserves a virtual punch on your virtual nose. My advice would be, in Social networking in general - avoid irony. It only gets you in trouble.