Sunday, 27 August 2017

Give us Back Our Religious Sites

In the light of news that the Odinists of Great Britain have requested two churches from the Church of England, to make up for alleged "spiritual genocide", I am hereby demanding the return of every religious site in the United Kingdom to the Beaker Folk.

My argument is as follows: firstly, the Germans weren't "Odinists". They were "Wodenists". Quite a different thing. Secondly Beaker Folk have a sense of "deep unease" about the way in which the Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Norse and Danes took our religious sites - already stolen by the Celts, and then the Romans - and converted them into whatever the Wodenists were doing in these glades.
Small child in big hat in front of Westminster
A very young Beaker Person stakes a claim

Thirdly, I have just as much continuity with the original Beaker Folk as modern day neo-pagans have with their alleged forebears. These forebears, being bloody-minded warriors who believed that those who died in battle would go to the Norse / Germanic heaven, would probably take about ten minutes to deal with their weedy, pacifist supposed successors. The Beaker Folk, on the other hand, being pacific, gentle and at one with nature, were inevitably wiped out by the Celts with their cheaty iron swords.

Fourthly, a process in which a tribal race changed their religion to stay in line with their leaders is not "spiritual genocide." It's simple good business. And it diminishes the word "genocide."

Make no mistake. If the Odinists do not hereby support my claim to every medieval church, every
Bronze Age burial site and every stone circle in these islands I'm going to light a tea light.  It could get as nasty as that.

1 comment :

  1. I can't see that anyone has a claim to historic sites, they expired with their generations. No, modern day ancient sites, such as David Cameron, George Osborne and Vince Cable need conservation and be reburied or covered over to be re-discovered by future generations who will wonder how their predecessors managed to make such a 'Horlicks' of the Country.


Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl