The Milton Keynes Statement

Article 1:

WE AFFIRM that marriage is a lifelong, procreative relationship between a man and a woman. And if the man should quietly nip off for a different, temporary relationship with another woman (or indeed man) we will try and keep that quiet.

WE DENY that God has designed marriage to be a homosexual or polygamous relationship. Obviously all that stuff with David and Solomon having lots of wives was a bit of a mistake. And Abraham and Jacob sleeping with the servant girls. Though God never told them off for it. Yet the Biblical record is absolutely clear. OK it's not. Still, gays - eh?

Article 2:

WE AFFIRM that adutery is wrong.

WE ALSO AFFIRM that any white, male, evangelical leader being caught in adultery can confess and then, once it's all blown over, get on with being a white, male, evangelical leader again.

Article 3:

WE AFFIRM that God created man and women equal.

ALTHOUGH OBVIOUSLY man is a lot more equal. Headship. You know.

Article 4:

WE AFFIRM that God has made man and woman differently.

WE DENY this means one is more important than the other.  Why aren't you in the kitchen?

Article 5:

WE AFFIRM that human bodies fit into one of two categories. Or nearly.

WE DENY that science will have any impact on our thinking.

Article 6:

WE AFFIRM there are some people who aren't made like us.

WE DENY they should be treated as if they are normal.

Article 7:

He who cites John Piper calls the tune.