Paul Burrell "Still Needs to Eat"

The world was shocked to discover, on the 20th anniversary of the death of Princess Diana, that her former servant Paul Burrell still needs to eat.

"I was started to run out of press income," said Burrell, "what with it being a long time since the clearly non-suspicious death of Princess Diana - the one we think of as the "Princess of Hearts" and in my case "the Mother of all Gravy Trains."

"And I had run out of things to claim that Diana had told to me, but nobody else. But imagine my joy - I mean sadness - when I realised I had another chance to cash in with a load of drivel I'd get printed in the Mail. And guess what - it's only five years till the 25th anniversary! Surely I can get something out of the Express?"

Paul Burrell then looked a bit sad, but well-fed.