Friday 27 April 2018

Learning from Amber Rudd

I've had people asking some awkward questions regarding the "duck pond" incident. But the good news is, I've got some advice from Amber Rudd. So I'd like to make the following clear:

I said I never knew 20% of the people working in the Doily Shed were thrown in the duck pond. So I said that 20% of people working in the Doily Shed weren't thrown in the duck pond. It actually turns out that 20% of the people working in the Doily Shed were thrown in the duck pond. This is a coincidence. I didn't know. How could I know? Just because my room overlooks the duck pond. And there's a fence around the duck pond. With a gate to which I have the only key.

Then I said that nobody had ever told me about the policy of throwing people in the duck pond. Emails have now emerged in which Young Keith told me "I've successfully thrown them all in the duck pond, in accordance with the policy." So OK maybe I did know something about it. But it's not my fault. I was probably busy.

Some people have claimed I specifically ordered the policy of throwing people in the duck pond. Nothing could be farther from the truth. And just because someone has found a memo I wrote saying "It's really important that 20% of the people who work in the Doily Shed be thrown in the duck pond," that should not be taken as evidence that I have ever ordered people to be thrown in the duck pond. Or, at least, not that specific duck pond. I never said which duck pond.

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  1. Does she have all her ducks in a row?

  2. The issue for you (and for Amber Rudd) is your ignoring the hundreds of spam emails coming into your mailbox and delegating this to young Keith (as Amber Rudd does to a Civil Service Administrative Officer who doubles up with reading emails and taking the tea trolley around), not wonder you miss important things.

    There is however a solution. Have an automatic filter on your inbox, which consigns anything with the hash tag of urgent, important, very important or confidential into the spam box, which is set to delete very five minutes.

    This way, you can say with integrity, you're not aware of anything at all and live in blissful ignorance.


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