Learning from Amber Rudd

I've had people asking some awkward questions regarding the "duck pond" incident. But the good news is, I've got some advice from Amber Rudd. So I'd like to make the following clear:

I said I never knew 20% of the people working in the Doily Shed were thrown in the duck pond. So I said that 20% of people working in the Doily Shed weren't thrown in the duck pond. It actually turns out that 20% of the people working in the Doily Shed were thrown in the duck pond. This is a coincidence. I didn't know. How could I know? Just because my room overlooks the duck pond. And there's a fence around the duck pond. With a gate to which I have the only key.

Then I said that nobody had ever told me about the policy of throwing people in the duck pond. Emails have now emerged in which Young Keith told me "I've successfully thrown them all in the duck pond, in accordance with the policy." So OK maybe I did know something about it. But it's not my fault. I was probably busy.

Some people have claimed I specifically ordered the policy of throwing people in the duck pond. Nothing could be farther from the truth. And just because someone has found a memo I wrote saying "It's really important that 20% of the people who work in the Doily Shed be thrown in the duck pond," that should not be taken as evidence that I have ever ordered people to be thrown in the duck pond. Or, at least, not that specific duck pond. I never said which duck pond.

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