The Riots - a Re-evaluation

I'd like to clarify the remarks I've made over the last few weeks regarding the people of our inner-cities.

You may remember that a few weeks ago I said that if the Government went ahead with its university fees policy and cut policing numbers, the cities would be a "powder-keg". And if the Government cuts caused a sharp reduction in the number of council-run youth clubs, I said, people would be bound to join "postcode" gangs and run amok. It would be all the Government's fault. The people of  London have no ability to behave morally without the provision of table-tennis tables.

Some have claimed I changed my view when it looked like the riots would have a personal cost for me. When the London rioting came within a couple of miles of a house off the Holloway Road that I inherited from my great-aunt Nora, and which I am hoping to sell for a few quid, I admit I saw a new angle on the matter. My view that the rioters were "evil and irresponsible" and that the police should use water cannon and, if necessary, sub-machine guns to restore order to the streets of Tottenham, was mentioned by other people as a little over-the-top. If I remember rightly, I justified it by saying that these people didn't know right from wrong, and hot lead was the only language they understand. I also said that the reason they lived in such poor areas with poor facilities was because the people that lived there had broken them themselves. And if they wanted new trainers they should stop sitting around on their backsides, and go and get jobs.

I am sending this post from a location in Bavaria Road, and Aunty's property is perfectly intact. However I can see that nearby areas of Holloway and Archway are in some need of improvement if this house is to make the return I want on it. So I would call on the Government to relax its spending policy, recognise that these areas need investment to recover, and give the inhabitants new trainers, table-tennis tables, university grants and a personal fitness trainer each. If they do not, the civil unrest resulting will all be the Government's fault. That John Prescott's about right.

I hope that Beaker People are now clear on the moral lead I am giving. And I hope they be similarly unconfused if trouble breaks out at a later date and I declare the need for the use of mustard gas.