Bend it like Geller

Bouncing out of the 70s like a Time Lord's space hopper, here comes spoon-bender and friend of Michael Jackson, Uri Geller.

And he tells us the reason why all the new iPhones bend after a short period of use: psychic excitement.

That's right. After all the previously over-hyped launches of massively overpriced technology that Apple has persuaded the ageing hippies and thrusting execs of the world to buy, it's only Mark 6 that has generated so much geeky anticipation that it warps in its owners' pockets.

Mr Geller  kindly offers, presumably for a reasonable fee, to become a kind of bendy iPhone evangelist. Though he may be missing the point.

If it was hippy excitement that bent the iPhones, and not their well-padded Baby Boomer rear ends as I personally suspect, it's no good getting a 70s huckster to tell everybody how brilliant Apple are. That's only gonna make things worse. Blimey, the iPhones could start sublimating, like elemental Astatine, from the sheer power of their and their owners' synergistic smugness.

No. If you want to stop iPhones bending, and if Uri Geller is right, then Apple need someone to point out that the iPhone 6 is no great shakes, it's probably gonna fail to cope when the clocks change, Apple customers are mugs, and a decent Android is, all-round, a much better idea.

I'm ready for my close-up now.......