20 Times Not to Walk Out of a Church Meeting

More on walking out of things - a propos  the Primates 2016 conference. It's such a lovely thing to do, though, isn't it?. You get so upset by the outrageous thing somebody - or even everybody else - in a meeting is doing. It might be the pastor wanting to rearrange the chairs, the Quire demanding  4 quid to pay for a new song book, or your cherished scheme to evangelise people in pubs by holding drinking sessions paid for out of church funds. But one way or another, something happens and you up and walk out - possibly, if the role is appropriate, resigning en route. You get the spotlight, you get the righteous indignation. You have done something on principle.

But here are some times you shouldn't/can't just resign and / or walk out.For example if....

1. You might regret it ten minutes later.
2. You're paid for this church job and you really can't afford not to have it.
3. You forget your coat and have to go back for it.
4. There's a 1% chance (in your estimation) that, in 12 hours time, you'll realise you're in the wrong.
5. You're the keyholder for the church hall and you've now got to hang around waiting to lock up.
6. Your wife or husband is the chairperson.
7. It's a "Church Leaders' Breakfast" and you've not eaten your bacon yet.
8. You're the Archbishop of Canterbury.
9. There's two feet of snow on the ground, the meeting is five miles from your house, and the vicar's giving you a lift home.
10. Your own item is later on the agenda.
11. You don't have a very stylish flounce.
12. You only go to committees because they're better than being at home.
13. You can't remember which is the way out and there's a chance you may walk into the chair cupboard by mistake.
14. You think people might talk about you when you've gone.*
15. There's nice biscuits/sherry/cakes at the end.
16. The door is on a spring, and won't bang properly.
17. You led the opening prayer for charity and harmony.
18. Your spouse stays behind saying "I really don't know what's got into them."
19. You're on a two-day Church Committee "Retreat" with shared rooms.
20. You're so angry you're gonna walk out regardless of what some twit on a blog tells you.

Basically if you do walk out of a meeting, the best thing to do is to go straight the pub, have a few, go home, pack your stuff, take the phone off the hook and then leave town in the morning, changing your name and appearance. Anything else will look like weakness.

* They will. Of course they will. That was kind of the idea. But it won't be "ooh how principled", will it?

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With thanks to the Bishop of Buckingham, Alan Wilson for the inspiration.