Sunday, 17 January 2016

A Problem with the Church Heating

Burton Dasset rushed round earlier, bloody and screaming that the End Times are on us (again).

And I know it was freezing cold and snowy this morning. But I'd told him that the heating system in the crypt under Bogwulf Chapel needed special attention, and he was to tell me if it needed any servicing. But does he listen? When he found it was cold in the chapel this morning he picked up a bag of tools and headed down the stairs.

Thing is, a monkey wrench is almost useless when you're dealing with a hungry dragon. Thankfully, this meant its pilot light had gone out and all Burton received was a bit of a mauling.

According to the Big Book of Rules in the library, in the 18th Century the parishioners used to feed the dragon with local damsels and a few live sheep. But we're more civilised now. Turns out he's actually quite fond of pepperoni pizza. So we've thrown him a few down and everything's back to normal.


  1. I do wish Burton would accept my help, which is proffered very freely in his case. I will happily load up the sleigh with ermine, bearskin and other warm if politically incorrect wrappings, and head south. However, in the longer term - if your boiler is on the point of packing up - I suggest persuading one of the more annoying and disposable members of the Chapel that he has won the rollover; Suggest Dragon Island as a holiday destination, and let the magic of the island do what it did to Octesian and Eustace, and I'll collect him and bring him back. Beats waiting for British Gas to turn up

  2. I have just received yet another letter telling me I should take out insurance for my boiler.

    I have already told them I do not have a boiler as I do not have central heating but still they keep coming and adding to the ever growing pile of unwanted rubbish which comes through the letter box each day all ending up in the black box.

    Perhaps I ought to make a bonfire of the unwanted mail - or get a dragon?


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