Monday, 18 January 2016

How to Finish a Church Meeting on Time

Archdruid: Matters Arising. Anyone done anything yet?

Stacey Bushes: We talked about maybe canvassing opinions and setting up a sub-committee....

Archdruid: That's "no" then. Next! Treasurer! Are we going bust?

Burton Dasset: No...

Archdruid: Excellent! Ecumenical matters?

Edith Weston: We thought of reaching out to the Quakers...

Archdruid: Heretics! And "reaching out" is drivel. Mission? No, forget that. Social events?

Hnaef: We have organised the following dates....

Archdruid: Send me an e-mail! Building committee?

Charlii: In the time of Archdruid Elspeth....

Archdruid: Too slow! Any other business, informed before the deadline?

Marston Moretaine: Last week I sent you an email about the newsletter...

Archdruid: But the deadline was 4 pm on 7 December 1642. Too late! Closing prayers - Daphne, light the tea light. OK. Let's go.

The meeting closed at 8.02.


  1. Perhaps you could start up a business of guest chairing PCC's across the country. You'd revive the meeting of five minutes than the pub overnight.

  2. "Reaching out is drivel" - please come and chair our meetings.

  3. I devoutly wish you were chairing the committee I have to sit on....


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