Saturday, 23 January 2016

Liturgy for Church Leaders With Imposter Syndrome

Archdruid: Peace be with you.

All: And also with you.

Archdruid: Obviously, you lot are all genuinely feeling a sense of divine peace. Whereas I must admit I'm a seething mass of tension. That tension I always carry with me.

All: And also with us.

Archdruid: In fact I'm not even sure I should be leading this. You're gonna think the sermon is rubbish, badly thought-through and theologically illiterate. You're all brighter than me,

All: You're leading this because your pointy hat convinced us you're the only proper leader here.

Archdruid: Please be seated, all appearing serene and spiritual, while the turmoil of inauthenticity churns within you.

All: And also in you.

Mario Balotelli: Actually, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be here...

Archdruid: I dunno, Mario. At least you're not at Anfield.

Reading: Judges 6:11-40

Reader: This is the word of the Lord, which I have frankly rather messed up through my squeaky voice and Black Country accent.

All: You read it much better than we ever could.

Reader: And I'm sure other, proper leaders, wouldn't have this kipper tie.

All: You've got it in perfectly standard "Beryl" crockery. At our churches we have mugs - we're sure that's not right.

A Kipper Tie
Archdruid: There will now be a brief moment while we all read our Certificates of Ordination, Ministerial Authorisation, Druidification or Being Elected Pope (delete where appropriate) to confirm to ourselves we are all really entitled to be here.

Imposter:Oh, hang on - this is 10 yards Doggy Paddle. And I'm not sure I didn't put my feet on the bottom halfway across, now I think back.

All: Imposter! Imposter!

Archruid: Isn't that another certificate stuck to the swimming one?

Imposter: Oh yeah. A Diploma in Dogma. To be honest, I have no idea how I ever passed it. I must have scraped through. Maybe they marked somebody else's paper?

Archdruid: You see? Let he who is without Imposter Syndrome cast the first stone...

Stoning Party: OK. We'll just leave these piled here then....  We probably couldn't throw straight, anyway.

Archdruid: Morgwulf will now lead us in our Prayers of Reassurance.

Morgwulf: You sure? I'm not really very good at this...


  1. ♫ Amen, Amen, A-a-men! ♫

  2. I've always been a bit worried about the arrogance of "sinners, of whom I am chief".


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