Sometimes I swear that we are being persecuted for our Beaker faith.
As is widely known, Hnaef runs an archery school for people with no thumbs. It's a worthwhile career, albeit he sometimes comes home with arrow marks.
This afternoon, he had a not-uncommon occurrence, when one of his customers was accidentally shot. A mixture of the frosty conditions and a lack of thumbs took its inevitable course. Thankfully just a flesh wound. But as the time was coming on towards 4pm, it was starting to get quite dark. Being out on the range, there was no electric light to hand. But as fortune would have it, Hnaef had some tea light supplies he had picked up from Morrison's "Stone and tea light" section on Westcroft this morning.
Naturally, Hnaef lit a few tea lights to try and see the severity of the injury. However the injured customer, realising he was now laying in a ring of tea lights, thought he had died and woken up in a severely constrained version of heaven. This caused a certain amount of panic. He then realised he was in fact alive but decided that Hnaef was trying to coerce him into taking part in a Beaker ceremony.
At this point, he decided to try to fight Hnaef off to stop himself being, as he imagined, brainwashed. Ironically, since he tried to keep Hnaef away by throwing stones at him, it could be argued that he had in fact joined the Beaker Folk himself at this point.
In any case, Hnaef has now been banned by the Health and Safety Executive from bringing tea lights onto the premises. And the local council has said he will receive no funding until he can prove there are no essential oils anywhere on the premises. As I said, it feels awfully like persecution.
Surely the good thing about having no thumbs is you will never have to wear clothes with zips or buttons?
ReplyDeleteThis means that the formless, shapeless fashion that suits us,(but not others) can be a fashion statement, especially the elasticated waists and cuffs etc.
A little like a medieval jester without the bell on the cap.
This will also be qualification for druidship as formless, long skirted garments are the preferred vestments for druids (I hear).
Errr ... You don't really use your thumb in archery. The string is pulled back by fingers 1, 2 and 3.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work, Hnaef!
Londiniensis, always a pleasure to hear from you on Twitter, and especially your evening praises. But on this occasion you may have missed the point. Those who are blessed with thumbs use the thumb on their *left* hands (assuming a right-handed archer).
ReplyDeleteMind you, at Hnaef's archery school, "missing the point" is often the best you can hope for.
ReplyDelete??? A right-handed archer will grip the bow with his left hand. Admittedly, much more comfortable with a thumb, but one can achieve adequate grip without one. Or am I, like Hnaef's pupils, missing the point?
ReplyDeleteLondiniensis, I think we are vigorously agreeing. It is more comfortable and easier to grip the bow with the thumb as well as the fingers. Hnaef's pupils manage pretty well without, on the whole, but lack a certain amount of precision on the left hand. If they were totally useless, he would be wasting his time. On the other hand, if they were at no disadvantage at all they would not require his detailed (and expensive) tuition.
ReplyDelete