Things John the Baptist probably never said

As we nudge nervously through Advent, the light dies day by day.* And as the Northern Hemisphere plunges into darkness we consider that most challenging of prophets - John the Baptist. Probably a Beaker Person, judging by the hairstyle, awkward manner, general poor clothes sense and love of the outdoors. Not to mention all those pictures where he's pouring out water on Jesus.
Man of mystery, man of bravery, man of faith - even when tempted at the end. And this morning we held the annual "Things John the Baptist Probably Never Said" workshop.  An event that always ends with us a bit light-headed on whiteboard marker pens.  John the Baptist would not have approved.

This year's suggestions:

"Of course, I could be wrong."
"No, really - you're fine as you are."
"Yes, it's a cheeky little Merlot and I think you'd be amused by its impertinence."
"I'd like to talk about that pension plan."
"Tact and negotiation.  They're what get things done."
"You know, there probably is another side to that."
"I reckon God's not too worried about what we actually do...  It's sincerity that's important."
"You know what, Caiaphas - I reckon we can find some common ground here."
"Medium-rare with a Chasseur sauce, please."
"But what does it matter as long as you're happy?"
"Your sister-in-law?  Well, I would..."
"But let's talk about me for a change."

*I realise this will not ring true with our Australian and Kiwi readers, of whom we have a few. It's never occurred to me before - in the North at least we have a celebration in the midst of the darkness. What do you all do during June and July? Just hide under the blankets?