On the care of guinea pigs

Guinea pigs are cheerful little characters, with their squeaks and whistles.  They are vegetarians, fond of hay and fresh vegetables.  Make sure you feed them a guinea pig food, not a rabbit food which is differently balanced.

An important thing when feeding guinea pigs is to remember that the verb "to feed" can be both transitive and intransitive in the English language.  It is also important to bear in mind which is the direct object and which the indirect.  In other words - what is being fed to what.  The sentence "I'm just feeding the guinea pigs" uttered by our South American visitor Dominga last year, we took to mean that she was topping their hay up.  In fact, it turned out what she really meant was that she was feeding the guinea pigs to the Stewartby Guinea Pig Folk, who worshipped them as gods.  It may have been the low spot in our ecumenical career.  So far, at least.
The Guinea Pig Folk are nothing if not forgiving, and we are grateful that they are inviting us over to the their "Not the Guinea Pig New Year" celebration tonight.  Surely nothing can go wrong this year?