The Husborne Quire - or Keeping Men Under Control

Elizaphanian comments on the way in which the Victorians drummed the music bands out of churches, replacing them with an organist and a choir (sick) rather than quire (sic).  This was most memorably commemorated in Hardy's Under the Greenwood Tree, most light-hearted and therefore under-rated of the late great Mr H's work.
Revd Sam Norton sees this as, in part, resulting in the exclusion of men from the church, by reducing their participation in the worship and therefore their stake in the work of the church.
Here in Husborne Crawley, it's true to say, we have a music group based very much on Mellstock West Gallery principles.  Which is to say, they're not very good but they're volunteers.  The heart of the group over the last year or so has been very much Young Keith on bodhran, Edith Weston with the pan pipes and Burton on ukulele.   And it's fair to say that on the whole they're pretty awful.  However, in an attempt to instil an authentic Wessex feel, we're delighted now to welcome Burt on violin and Elspeth on serpent.  It's true that neither can actually play their instrument, but with the cat-like screaming of the violin and the serpent resembling a flatulent ox, the band is now sounding increasingly rural, and that can only be authentic.  So far so good with the Mellstock model, I say.

But reading Mr Norton's posting, I sense a certain Blokeist theology about it.  This idea that somehow people have to be involved - to be participating.  To be active.  All Blokeist virtues, to be sure.  But dangerously democratic in a religious institution that is dedicated to keeping things well-managed, quiet, non-confrontational and above all fluffy.

That is why we in Husborne Crawley have adopted a policy of "quiet conformity".  It works like this.  At all times people are encouraged to get in touch with their feelings, and by being in touch with them to accept them.  Every time it seems that people are wanting to go and actually do something - about the world, about their own nature - we encourage them to talk about it.  We find if you talk about something enough, it will probably resolve itself.  Or at least it won't seem so important as how you feel about it.

We think it is important to sing songs that are deeply in touch with our feelings, and directed to a nebulous concept that we refer to as "God-as-boyfriend".  We're still working on this, and we regard ourselves as mere apprentices compared to the real masters, the Evangelical-Charismatic Christians.

Most important of all - at the end of every ceremony we encourage everyone to form a circle, join hands and bless everyone else in it while looking them deeply and caringly in the eyes.  You'd be amazed how many testosterone-laden Neanderthals have decided, having realised they were standing between Hnaef and Young Keith, that maybe the Community isn't for them.  The words "it's not that I'm hiding from that side of my nature" have been heard more than once from men as they run for the car park.  In the early days, some men were intelligent enough to make sure they were always sat between two attractive women.  Nowadays, the introduction of the "drawing of lots for seating arrangements" ceremony has put a stop to that.

In an analogy to Mr Darwin's Patent Evolutionary Theory, we have succeeded in selectively removing all disruptive, aggressive, destructive - let's just say male - tendencies.  Indeed, we can say that we have now reached the point where most of the men of the community are, to all intents and purposes, honorary women, distinguishable only in being more gormless.  I say most - we still have Young Keith and Hnaef.  Although even Hnaef is showing promising signs of taking up knitting.  But we have to retain the odd y-chromosome around the place.  After all, if we didn't who would chop the logs and push the cars out in the snow?  There's a place for everyone in the Husborne Crawley fellowship.  Just as long as they're placid and do what they're told.  You'd have thought after all this time, surely one of the men would have noticed our policy?  But again - we've weeded that type out.