Christmas Eve Sermon Revisited - The Shepherds Again

The gospel according to Arthur.  It's always a wonder what you find hidden in the corners of the loft space here at Husborne Crawley.  With all outside ceremonies frozen off, I was able to spend an evening sorting through some of Mummy and Daddy's old belongings.  Now I know that before that unfortunate accident with the straw baling machine Daddy had been a bit of a collector.  But finding yet another Gnostic gospel was still a bit of a surprise.

Arthur is unique among the Gnostics in referring to the weather at the time of the First Christmas.  Perhaps not surprisingly in view of later tradition, but in sharp contrast to modern Liberal commentators, he tells us that "snow had fallen, snow on snow".  A reference to what appears to be earth standing "hard as iron" has been corrupted, probably through a copyist's error.

Arthur, who seems to have a great interest in thermal matters, also tells us that as well as shining with a great light, the angels also gave off a great heat.  This is important, as it seems to imply that these were radiant angels rather than the modern compact fluorescent ones.  And that would be why they were able to give off such a bright light.  It would have been a lot dimmer on that Bethlehem hillside if the European Union had had its way.  Also, the heat from the angels apparently melted the snow and left the shepherds' feet "strangely warmed".  Another detail that Arthur gives us is that the angels were all blonde girls, and wore haloes made from tinsel - something that seems to have been suppressed in the early church.
Pausing only to push the Little Drummer Boy into a ditch to make sure they got there first, the shepherds headed off to Jerusalem.  However at this point Arthur again seems to support later theories while disproving others.  As well as bringing a lamb, as recorded in certain hymns, they also took a couple of kangaroos, a pig, two llamas, a Care Bear and some spare Wise Men that had strayed into the wrong scene - thus confirming that the modern Nativity scene, with its random collection of farmyard and other animals according to what the children fancy being, is in its essentials correct.

Having reached the Stable, pausing only to sell a few copies of "Socialist Worker" and accuse the Kings of being "the representatives of a fascist and outmoded society that exists only by supporting itself on the backs of the workers", they bow down and adore, before returning to the hill side on which they are abiding to find that Herod has nationalised all their sheep.  The irony is not lost on them.

The other thing I found in a corner of the loft was a couple of Beaker Fertility Folk, busy sharing body heat.  Well, I guess it's a bit cold out on Aspley Heath in this weather.