Wasting Money on Ceremonies

Local hero Paula Radcliffe criticises the Conservative Government for wasting money on medal ceremonies, the BBC tells us.

And she's right. For goodness' sake, we're British after all. Not for us the American-style 5-hour speech in which we thank everyone from God to our life coach and the great-great-auntie we never knew we had for what we still manage to make clear is our own, unaided success.

No, we're British. In a truly British medal ceremony, the winner would shamble, shame-faced, up to the podium. There would be no national anthems as we don't like to make a song and dance about things. Embarrassed by having won without at any point having had to face insuperable odds, they would mumble shyly as they refused to accept the medal on the grounds that "I don't really deserve it. Give it to that plucky Swede who came fourth." Then, shocked by being thrust into the limelight, they would retire from public view and spend the rest of their lives doing good works or running a pub in Tarporley.

The exception of course would be in 2016 if one of the British nations won the Rugby 7s. In which case the captain of the winning team would exultantly celebrate their love of their native country. Probably New Zealand.