- Sentry box for the vicar to stand and see if anyone's coming to the service
- Pub furniture
- Log cabin
- Doors
- Full-size replica of the Marie Celeste
- Skirting boards
- A kids' castle in the garden
"Bad news, vicar. It's not just the pews they took out" - Victorian rabbit hutch for a Victorian rabbit
- Raised vegetables beds
- Fuel for a wood burning stove (unless varnished - very bad for the environment)
- Mulch
- Filing cupboards for old PCC minutes
- Gothic trellises
- Replica Gutenberg Printing Press
- Big mysterious boxes as a public art installation
- Temporary cover for holes in the roof
- Pitch pine flooring
- Pulpit
- Building material for the church's pet wasps
- Shelving
- Cricket sight screen
- Add wheels and make a go kart
- Grinling Gibbons-themed cat scratchers
- The sauna that mysteriously appeared in the vicarage garden
- Bat boxes - to be put anywhere but inside the church
- Painting icons on
- Really really posh pallets
- Box for very short readers to stand on
- Tree house
- Skateboard ramp
- Frames for big pictures
- Eastenders actor
- Obstacles in the Church Over 60s Assault Course
- Rot-proof sledge
- Giant bats for playing geese-ball (except in countries with any kind of animal cruelty laws)
- Trojan Horse
- Bookshelves
- Plank to make the vicar walk into the village duck pond if the sermon fails to entertain
- Coffin for the person over whose dead body they were removed
- Wood panelling in one of them really old-fashioned looking studies or meetings rooms
- Seesaws
- Rustic planters
- Windmill
- Museum exhibit of what pews look like
- Television cabinet
- Dog kennel
- Swansea City back 4
- Norwegian-style "stave church"
- Garden shed
- Pews in another church where they're removing the chairs.
(Thanks to Phil Ritchie for passing on the info that Chelmsford Diocese have a 51st use)
Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you. From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk. |
No comments :
Post a Comment
Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl