Tuesday 5 December 2017

On the Conveyor Belt of Death

Not jumping to any conclusions on the news that a chain of funeral directors is offering to team up with hospices. After all, undertakers having preferential arrangements with their favourite clergy or secular "celebrant" is a well-recognised practice.

All I can say is that the Beaker Folk got in trouble for trying to concentrate on the "vertical", as we say in the industry. We realised that, in the same way that chemists are often found near doctor's surgeries, we could maximise upside synergies by offering a combined hospice, funeral arrangement and burial service - all the way from looking after people in their final days, to sending their ashes on a tiny ceremonial funeral Viking ship out onto the duck pond. We were banned by Environment Health from actually cremating anyone bigger than a hamster on the a burning long ship.

So in theory we were set up - maximising the supply chain, minimising transport costs, and generally offering an all-in-one service.  In practice, we had scrap the whole thing. One of the pastoral visitors accused one of the patients of "bed-blocking." Apparently, month end was coming.

Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. And don't forget it's nearly Christmas!

1 comment :

  1. The idea of a Viking Longship for funerals, means that the Beaker folk culture has become contaminated by Norse, Blond giants? Or is that a fantasy of an ageing Female Arch Druid?


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