Monday 4 December 2017

The Role of Jehovah's Witnesses in the Life cycle of "Love in the Mist."

It's a curious thing, "Love in the Mist." Also known as nigella, it spreads into your front garden - often without you planting any seeds.

Scientists have been trying to explain the mysterious migrations of nigella for years. But only now have scientists at the University of Kirklees managed to explain the phenomenon.

It's Jehovah's Witnesses.

Turns out that, in wandering from house to house, they are spreading the seeds. The spiky outsides of the nigella seed cases are perfectly adapted to clinging onto unstylish fabrics.

Please note, we're not saying that Jehovah's Witnesses are responsible for the pollination of the flowers. I know that Norman Clegg once speculated that door-to-door evangelists carried pollen around in their turnups, but think on. The average Jehovah's Witness is far too heavy to balance on a delicate flower long enough to sip some nectar and distribute pollen. Truth be told, they'd just smash the flower to pieces. Ridiculous idea. But when it comes to spreading the seed, the combination of wandering long distances, standing around, and having the seeds shaken from their clothes when the carrier Jehovah's Witness has a door slammed in front of them is incredibly effective.

In related research, it turns out that Liberal Anglicans don't spread any plant species at all.

Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. And don't forget it's nearly Christmas!

1 comment :

  1. Just wondering how many people would imagine JW's bringing Nigella to their front door, some would welcome her, some might lust after her, but most would be embarrassed that their puny skills at cooking would be put to shame and rush to hide the hot fat fryer.


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