Sunday, 16 March 2014

10 Commandments to Save the Independent

Just been reading Peter Stanford's 10 Commandments to save the Anglican Church.  I presume from the context he intends to mean the Anglican Church in what is currently the United Kingdom, as opposed to worldwide which is, numerically, doing pretty well. In fact, I suspect what he really means is the Church of England, but he didn't want to come over as a Little Englander in this most po-faced of liberal newspapers.

Still, it seems to me that it's only right that some believer returns the compliment to the Independent. It has its own new dawns - faffing around with paper sizes, embracing Climate Change as an exciting new way to raise taxation. But the Truth - or diversity of opinion, as the Indie would more likely put it - is that its decline continues unabated.

So having had a ringside seat at the events of the past two decades, and more broadly as a fellow traveller (albeit at one pew removed as a Guardian-reader), who sees so much that is good and needed about our national most boring newspaper as its goes about its daily, non-headline-making headline-making, here are a few suggestions – more 10 conversation-starters than 10 commandments – assembled with the help of absolutely nobody at all.

1. Appoint Richard Coles as editor. Everybody loves Richard. Or at least people who listen to Radio 4 or remember the Communards or read the Independent and/or live in Finedon do.

2. Stop being more boring than the Guardian.

3. Try a different size of paper.

4. Remake the Vicar of Dibley in a newsroom.

5. Start supporting UKIP.

6. No, actually, it's hopeless, isn't it?  I'm sorry. I'm never going to make it to 10.

1 comment :

  1. Hope this doesn't appear twice.

    Ah, yes. Break the link with the State at #3 but, at #6, demand lots of money from the State because churches are expensive. And, note, he doesn't demand the breaking of the egregious link with the State, the Lords Spiritual. And, with his three marketing points, he had plenty of space for that.

    Oh, and re #10, Desmond Tutu is still alive.


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