What Christians Believe

This just occurred to me after reading somebody telling us that "Christians believe.....X." It doesn't really matter what. I quite often hear people telling us what Christians believe. And it occurred to me that people informing us what Christians believe can cause more stress than the actual beliefs themselves.

So to avoid anyone getting confused, I'd like to be clear on "what Christians believe".

• Christians support right-wing policies.
• Christians believe in a 6-day creation.
• Christians are opposed to birth control. Especially abortion.
• Christians believe in a spiritual Resurrection.
• Christians believe homosexuality is the work of the devil.
• Christians believe the world will end imminently.
• Christians are Liberal Democrats.
• Christians believe that the Pope, when he speaks ex cathedra, is infallible.
• Christians support a bigger welfare state.
• Christians believe in the "Big Bang"*
• Christians accept divorce.
• Christians believe in assisted suicide.
• Christians believe in unlimited immigration.
• Christians are pro-choice.
• Christians are opposed to immigration.
• Christians are in favour of same-sex marriage.
• Christians believe they'll have a cup of tea.
• Christians believe in a physical Resurrection.
• Christians believe in no Resurrection at all, more a figurative kind of thing. You know, metaphorical. In a very real sense.
• Christians are implacably opposed to divorce.

Next time somebody tells you what Christians believe, do yourself, and my blood pressure, a favour. Ask which Christians they're talking about.

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* Actually, it was a priest who came up with the idea.