Monday, 3 March 2014

If Matthew Hopkins did Thought for the Day

In this multicultural world we live in, people look for truth in many ways. Some look for healing using crystals. Some look to the old gods of the forests of England. Some speak in metaphors, of Diana, Apollo and Dionysus.

It really tells us that people are looking for spiritual reality wherever they can find it - whether in the ancient myths, or in the ancient sites - stones and barrows - of modern England. But how can we of the mainstream churches best respond, so that we can learn from each other?

I think that,  in a very real sense, we need to approach people
Matthew Hopkins lives in the East of England.
He likes being paid large amounts of money,
and looking for extra nipples.
following these new ways with care, and a willingness to listen.  We don't believe in rushing in and burning them as witches!  Oh no, not these days.
No, first we have to hear their confessions. This is a valuable exercise, as we may be able to find out who their fellow-witches are. Then, only if they won't confess, do we duck them. And, if they're guilty - and they are, let's face it - even then we don't burn them.  This isn't the middle ages. No, we hang them first. Then we burn them. We're not savages.

I really see this as a most exciting new endeavour in inter-faith dialogue. And I'm going to be moving the agenda forwards just as soon as we've tried John Humphreys for witchcraft.  He has an infernal machine that means you can talk to people all over the country. In fact a disembodied voice in my ear - a devilish voice, I suspect - is telling me they've tricked me into speaking on it now. It would appear that I am surrounded by witches.

Radio Four, ye are all nicked.  Stearne, hail a fleet of ye magic black horseless taxis. I want them at Tyburn this hour.


  1. I thought for a moment that I was reading something from Drayton Parslow, not the Arch Druid, unless, of course, the Arch Druid has morphed into him?

    I suggest leaving the KJV alone for a few weeks - it's obviously stirring up forbidden thoughts. Next you will be suggesting 'Churching' women who've recently given birth.

    1. Talking of 'churching of women' as you do but Archdruid Eileen doesn't, I think there's a real need for a ritual liturgy after childbirth, but one that doesn't suggest that the woman is somehow unclean until the ceremony is performed. I felt this need after all 3 of our children were born but neither 'churching of women' nor the C of E thanksgiving for the birth of a child was what I needed. Archdruid Eileen - any suggestions - serious or satirical?

    2. I thought the CW version was quite good, myself.

  2. Well, this approach would certainly keep the care home population down. It would save Social services a fortune!

    1. You would have to start by introducing a new "black cats for care homes" programme.


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