Thursday, 20 March 2014

The Dream of Fred Phelps

The scene: the pearly gates. A lone figure walks through the blessed fields of dry ice and is greeted by a saintly form.

St Peter: Fred Phelps?

FP: Yes.

St Peter: You've been a bigot, a hate-monger, an anti-Semite. You've disrupted the funerals of brave soldiers. You have misrepresented God.

FP: Oops. That was wrong then?

St P: Yes. Now there's two lots of good news, and one bad.

FP: What's the good news?

St P: The Good News is what it always was. God's love is stronger than your hate.  You can come in. And the other good news is - we've assigned a saint to look after you, help you settle in during your first few million years . He's been acting as your guardian angel, in fact.  Though he's never claimed it was easy.

FP: So what's the bad news?

St P: Can I introduce you to St Sebastian? He's a soldier, and a gay icon. I reckon you boys gonna get along fine.
Hard as it is to say, may he rest in peace and rise in glory.


  1. Thank you for this gentle humour.

  2. Truly inspirational, Archdruid.

  3. Superbly said, beaker folk! Well done.

  4. Please, let's not try to take judgment out of God's hands. None of us know the whole story of anyone but ourselves. Let's simply say Kyrie eleison for all those who have died.

    1. Pastor, that was really what I was trying to do - to draw up a silly story, as a response to a lot of people just saying they hoped he rotted in hell, to say that, in the end, we don't ourselves judge.

      As you say, may the Lord have mercy.

  5. And perhaps not even all of our own story.

  6. Seems a bit hard on St Sebastian, really.


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