Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Do not Feed the Organist

Announced by Archdruid Eileen
Some signs you probably won't see around a church. But maybe you should.

Communion Rail If you cross this point, your elbow will be grabbed by a warden. Hard.

Do not feed the organist He already gets a balanced diet (beer), and that seat is only made of plywood.

Eva’s pew If you sit in it, she will stick pins in a doll that looks just like you

Modern Stained Glass Don’t bother trying to understand it, mortal

Quire Vestry This is the right way to spell it It’s you that get it wrong

Narthex We bet you thought it was like the Tardis. But it’s not.

Bell Tower Please do not open the door. You may let the bell-ringers out.

West Gallery (Was here. Knocked down thanks to a power-crazed vicar in 1871)

Well-behaved children are welcome The behaviour we like best is when they stay at home

Chapel of St Algernon It made sense in the 15th Century. These days we just keep the knitted nativity and a load of boxes in here.

at 9:16 pm

2 comments :

  1. Jadis1:26 pm, April 03, 2014

    Not very welcoming, Eileen. As an occasional church cleaner, I prefer to be positive and helpful with my notices

    "Feel free to feed your children biscuits , raisins, or crisps in the pew. The church's pet rat will immediately emerge and take care of any crumbs in the pew".

    "Parents - please be aware that our hymnbooks are made from non-organic GM paper, and we cannot guarantee that any baby chewing them will leave here without a tail".

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown4:49 am, January 21, 2016

    I like Jadis' comments much better... and funnier. Where is your page?

    ReplyDelete

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