(In order to pad the original novella out to a blockbuster trilogy, justifying all that equipment to New Zealand, it was necessary to pad out the original material somewhat. Now read on......)
And so the dwarfs continued on their march towards the Misty Mountains, under the leadership of their new wizard.
"I don't think this new bloke knows what he's doing," remarked Giggsi.
"I don't know why Gandalf left us when he did," replied Van Persi, "he'd built us up into a world-class fighting machine, and then all of a sudden he went off to the Grey Havens."
"You don't think," said Cleverli, "that he decided most of you were simply too old, and he couldn't face the thought of trying to get a new band of dwarfs together, so he just cleared off and got Moyzi in as the new wizard?"
"Rubbish," replied Giggsi, trying a bit of clever footwork and tripping over his beard.
Moyzi turned round, angrily. "It's a longer term project. I've already got a new dwarf in."
"Fellaini? He's a dwarf?" replied Giggsi, "What sort of dwarf looks like that?"
"A very tall one. The age of elves is coming to an end, Giggsi. The new age will favour taller dwarfs who can compete in the air. Now - where's that hobbit? We're going to be needing him for the next battle."
"He's still a mass of breaks, strains and bruises from the last battle. He needs a rest."
"No. We're all depending on Rooni. He's the one that will accomplish the mission. Just you wait and see."
And so the Battle of the Three Armies was fought between the tribes of the Scousers, the Citeh and the Chelski. The dwarfs watched from afar, and wondered if they would ever get to fight dragons again. But the wizard Moyzi stood at a distance, sucking in his cheeks, and wishing he was back in the gardens that the elves call Lothlórien, which is named in the Scouse tongue "Goodison".
No Moyzi, swerve The Misty Mountains, it's chocka with goblins.
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