Sunday, 6 April 2014

Minutes of the Annual Moot Meeting

1. Opening Devotions

A tea light was lit to mark the start of the meeting.

2. Minutes of the Last Meeting

Devance said that the minutes of the last meeting were inaccurate, as at no point was there a debate over whether to invite the Aardvark of Canterbury to an ecumenical visit. Chasney (hon. sec) agreed it probably wasn't an aardvark, but couldn't remember which animal it was that we were going to invite, and he doesn't have very good handwriting.

3. Matters Arising

We had no response to our invitation to the Aardvark of Canterbury to an ecumenical visit. Devance suggested this was because Chasney had, as we had just discussed, written down the wrong animal. It was suggested that we send the minutes of the last meeting to a forensic scientist, to work out who we are supposed to be inviting. Stacey Bushes said that we probably shouldn't bother now. The opportunity had gone, and it was no longer the Year of the Aardvark. It was agreed to defer the discussion to Any Other Business.

4. Finances

Burton reported that giving is healthy, but expenses have been very high this year.  He was unable to provide detailed details of the expenses, as an aardvark unexpectedly got into the Invoice Shed in the middle of the night last week, and ate all the invoices and expense forms.

5. Ecumenical Matters

It was agreed they don't matter.

6. Archdruid's Report

Eileen reported that we're all in this together. Together we can make a brighter future. Every little helps. And the future's bright. When we had a time for questions, somebody asked if she had just ripped off a bunch of slogans and adverts. Yes, apparently she had.

7. Proposal to move the Tea Light Stand

The Archdruid introduced what she called her "controversial proposal to move the tea light stand." This involves moving it six feet to the right, to allow more space for the Procession of Wheelies during Solemn Pouring out of Beakers. Chardley said that his uncle had put the tea light stand, and that it would be moved over his dead body. The Archdruid said clearly she would need to fit bigger wheels, in that case, but she was sure it could be managed.

8. Evangelism

Rooney didn't think we should try evangelis, again. He said we'd tried a Decade of Evangelism in the past, and it hadn't worked.  Eileen said if we only did things that had worked in the past, we'd have to resort to slavery and burning Cathars as the main methods of church growth. Burton said perhaps we could use the standard Anglican method of mission - discussing it, agreeing it was a good idea, and adjourning it to the next meeting. We agreed to adjourn the discussion to the next meeting.

9. Children

Kelmarsh reported that there were far fewer complaints about children disrupting Filling up of Beakers since we'd banned them. Now, it was just the youth group and the young adults making too much noise. However she was sure that, now there were no more children, it was only a matter of time before the youth group stopped being an issue.

10. Replacement Light Bulb in the Men's Toilet

The Property Committee reported that, since the last 60W bulb had blown, the Men's Toilet had been in darkness. They proposed using an Energy-Saving bulb of equivalent radiance - which would be more expensive in the short term, but save money in the long run. Radnor said he objected to using the new types of bulbs, as they gave him a migraine after 20 minutes. When asked when he was likely to be in the toilets for that length of time, he responded "during the Archdruid's Sermons."

It was agreed that the Property Committee look into the possibility of lobbying the EU to change the laws on light bulbs, and report back to next year's meeting. In the meantime, it was agreed that in the interests of safety we would put a sign up outside the toilet, saying "Bulb has blown. Danger of death."

Oric said that, if we were really concerned about the danger of death in the Men's Toilet, we should do something about the Aardvark that lived in there. Apparently it had appeared last June, as a present from a Kent zoo. A mystery was solved.

11. Modern Liturgy

It's dreary, isn't it?

12. Donation of Memorial Cardie

Magdala's family have donated a Druidical Cardigan in her memory. They have requested that a member of the Druid's council wear it at all ceremonies. When the Archdruid said that might be a bit restricting, they told her that, if the druids didn't wear the cardie at all Occasions, they might as well just jump up and down on Magdala's grave, singing selections from the works of Frank Ifield (a singer she particularly despised). Eileen promised she would wear the cardie at the very next opportunity -  which happened to be the Grand Festival of Moths she had just thought up.

13. Any Other Business

The mystery of the Aardvark being solved, we had only the following Any Other Business to deal with:
a) Declaration of War on Aspley Guise - passed
b) Application for Fracking - once a misunderstanding by the Beaker Fertility Folk had been resolved, it was agreed we should get the drills on site as soon as possible.
c) Bee shortage - not our fault.

14. Closure of Meeting

Those present adjourned to the Car Park for the traditional post-meeting back-stabbing. Eileen accidentally caught the memorial cardie on the flame of the tea light while attempting to blow the tea light out. She then accidentally threw lamp oil on the cardie instead of water. And then, while trying to deal with that, accidentally buried the cardigan in the garden.

1 comment :

  1. You capture the joy of the Annual Meeting perfectly. :-)


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