So to help any aspiring member of the Church of England who wants to get with the new business-focussed, go-ahead world of Church, here's those key translations from old, boring, failing church-speak to new, dynamic biz-talk:
|Sermon on the Mount||Former Business Model|
|Diocesan Bishop||Regional Manager|
|Suffragan Bishop||Area Manager|
|Church Commissioners||Pensions Committee|
|Long-serving parish priest||Underachiever|
|Redundant church||Surplus plant|
See, it's not like the Church of England doesn't need to be more dynamic. It's not that it shouldn't identify, train and promote people of vision and creativity.
It's just that it doesn't need to sound like the world, and like it's picking up 10-year-old business models, when it's doing it.