Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Clergy Sports Day

Forgot to mention but it was a typically busy Clergy Sports Day yesterday.
I was pleased to come first in "throwing the tea light". Obviously I get a lot of practice - but a strong showing from the Catholics this year. There's clearly more tea lights out there than I realise.
Tennis was a bit of a disaster all round, though. The usual complaints that the only teams to enter the Bishops' Mixed Doubles were the Lutherans and the Episcopalians. While in the Men's Singles, the Greek Orthodox competitor demanded a much bigger court, to cope with his enormously long services. The Episcopalians have asked if we can introduce a Men's Mixed Doubles next year, but some of the other Anglicans say if we do, they're not turning up. The Church of England is in two minds on this one but says if we give it 20 years, they may be able to put another resolution to Synod, and they hope any potential competitors will still be fit then? Not "fit" like that. Don't go getting any ideas of that kind....
Once again, the Anglican-only "throwing the Church-warden's Wand" competition was very popular. Although every year we have to explain that though the event is like the javelin, you don't have to get the wand to stick into the Church-warden for the distance to count.
We bent the rules slightly to allow the nuns to enter a side in the Rugby 7s. Never again. Disqualified for biting. And that was just the touch-judge they provided.
Down at the pool, the 25m backstroke was a strange event. Some of the Anglicans refused to go swimming as they'd done it as a child, but couldn't remember much about it. Some said OK they'd swim but they were only pretending to take part - a kind of renewal of their 25m badge from Sunday School - and could we not tell their Bishop?.
And a strange victory speech from Otto, of the Not-so-Free Calvinists. He said he was always destined to win the 100m, and once he knew that, nothing could stop him. While silver-medallist Phil, from the Totally Free Arminians, said that the problem was that although he'd trained for the race, and he'd run the race, and encouraged others to join in, he'd fallen back at the last minute instead of pressing on for the prize.
Of course, there was controversy in the rowing. The Pentacostals complained that, once again only the C of E and the Catholics were allowed to enter. Although the Greek Orthodox couldn't complain, as the Lutherans have repossessed their boat. Halfway through the race, Sydney jumped out of the Anglican boat and swam across to join the Catholic one, in case next year there's a female cox. Oddly enough, both sides were happy. The Catholics were just pleased to have somebody under 60 in the boat. And the Anglicans said Sydney's been using the Catholic rowing style for ages anyway. While the whole hoo-hah distracted from the real problem, which is that the Public haven't been interested in rowing for years.
And it was a nice role-reversal at the end, when we got some famous sports people to lead the closing worship. Although Mario Balotelli's not getting the Thurifer job again. Took us hours to put out the vestry. Mr Dalglish, the choir-master, has denied that, just because they're out of tune, some aren't singing, and they all go at different speeds, the choir is underperforming. And the altar call lasted forever. Sir Alex Feguson said that, since nobody had come forward, clearly the hymn wasn't long enough - and we'd have to keep singing "Jesus, take me as I am" until we got the result he wanted.
Finally, once again, I'd like to thank the Methodists for their strong support and dedication. They're only a small denomination. And yet they managed to put up a participant on every single committee.


  1. No mention of the Primitive Baptists? Surely they will have least entered the Weight Lifting and Tug of War?

    And no mention whatsoever of the United Reformed contingent, who will have joined in with everything, but will have been split along Congregational lines.

    And surely, there were special events for 'New Wine and the Vine, because, alcohol is central to their sports days, and they would want to share with many.

    And without the Cliff Richard 'free church' with the Aled Jones Church plant, it won't have been fully representative of Christian denominations.

  2. Archimandrite Simon2:20 pm, April 14, 2012

    Either my sense of irony has atrophied, or you have very strange ideas about Sydney Anglicans!

  3. Archimandrite, it's probably more that you think more deeply and widely than I do.

    I was thinking about an Anglican called Sydney, rather than Sydney Anglicans! I never knew they were such a an active and interesting bunch. Although I do now.


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