Monday, 9 April 2012

Survey Reveals Children's Ignorance About Easter

Stunned by this year's annual crop of reports about ignorance regarding Easter. The most unexpected set of surveys since last year's ones. So I decided to run a survey of my own among the Beaker children's group, the "Little Pebbles". It doesn't make good reading.

95% were unaware that the date of Easter Sunday depends upon the phases of the moon.

The same 95% were unaware that it also depends upon the date of the Spring (or "Vernal") Equinox.

95% possess insufficient astronomical literacy to understand why it couldn't have been a solar eclipse that made the earth go dark on Good Friday.

Given there are 20 Beaker children, 95% reckon that the other 5% is a little creep.

The majority of Beaker Children said Easter makes them feel sick. Although they clarified this. It's actually eating seven eggs in succession that does this.

60% didn't see why we have to watch a Bond film every Bank Holiday.

35% think that Dawn French really is the Easter Bunny.

45% couldn't adequately explain the difference between what happened to Lazarus, and what Jesus did. Although that increased to 98% among the adults.

10% thought the invention of hot-crossed bun toaster bread was the best since that of sliced bread. The others didn't think that was very funny.

45% though that Pontius Pilate let the Easter Bunny go.

65% think that one mention in Bede is an insufficient basis on which to build an entire theology of the goddess Eostre. Although 25% liked her in King Lear.

10% thought that it was wrong to turn the Whitsun Bank Holiday into the Late Spring one, just to be convenient. Although we reckon that's just Aelfride's kids, and she's got a real hatred of secularism.

So you can see that we've a real shallow pool of ignorance out there. Some people blame the schools, some the parents, and others blame me because I'm the leader of their religious community. But personally I blame the kids. They just don't try hard enough. Some of the three-year-olds can't even read yet - so I shudder to think how they'll get on in Runic Studies when they reach Reception.


  1. I always think that surveys are flawed. People who design them deliberately frame the questions to be difficult and to catch people out and to make them look ignorant.

    The National Census is such a one.

    It's obvious to me and anyone who knows me that I'm a White Anglo Saxon Protestant, so why isn't that one of the options? Instead, we have to sort through all sorts of ethnic origins, including 'other' what's that about? and than answer a separate question about religious beliefs. What a waste of time, I just answered 'other' and left the rest of the description blank. Let them work it out for themselves.

    Another silly survey is the one we keep getting each year for the Electoral Roll. It includes the details of us, as we've lived here for years. We pay our Council tax, or they'd soon be round to sort us out. So, why do we have to answer additional stupid questions?

    Religious surveys are the worst. If government policy is that religion is a cult (like the Beaker folk), why are they so interested? It's not as if they listen to what Cults say! We don't need surveys, we need a tax on Atheists and Secularists to pay for the upkeep of our Ancient Monuments - Sorry, Churches, to really give them something to create a fuss about.

  2. still think it's brilliant...

  3. You can prove almost anything with a suitable survey.

    Lately, local surveys have tended to include something like:

    1. Were you born outside the country?

    2. If so, did you immigrate (0-5 years ago, 6-10 years ago etc.)

    This appears to be a way of getting at the whole ethnic immigrant thing kind of sideways.

    I answer it honestly. It's not my fault my parents happened to be in a neigbouring country for a few months around the time of my birth. I can't help feeling I'm giving them a wrong view of my ethnicity.


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