Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Hermeneutically Sealed

I'm really pleased with the new range of Beaker convenience foods we're charging extortionate amounts for in the Bazaar.

There's organic walnuts in whole-food brown sugar: free-range fish fingers: unbleached digestive biscuits and a whole array of other un-tampered-with delights.

And we're using a special new method of hermeneutic sealing. It doesn't make the food any fresher - it just means you have to get to grips with what you mean by eating: what method of interpretation do you apply when reading the ingredients? For example - when the packet says "in a traditional Greek style" - do you imagine the pine groves around the forest of Salmacis? Do you enjoy a brief "Shirley Valentine" moment as you imagine leaping, carefree, into the Ionian? Or do you realise that what we mean is that we borrowed a stupid amount of money to build the packing line, and we've not the faintest idea how to pay it back?

It's a complex but rewarding new food preservation technology, is hermeneutical sealing.


  1. I'm sure I remember reading about the hermeneutical ceiling somewhere in a theology textbook ...

  2. I think it was what St. Peter did before he dunked a ship's captain in the Adriatic, on a rope as he needed him back. Sealing with oil that is.


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