Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Prayer for the Right Kind of Drought

This may be used for the occasions when it keeps raining, even though there is a drought.

Oh Lord

We have sinned grievously in thy sight, burning the unclean fire of the internal combustion engines. We have created Audi A4s, and Skoda Octavias. And we have bowed down on Sundays unto them and cleaned their hub caps. And we have gone a-motoring with our own inventions. Our CO2 riseth up to the heaven, and is a bad smell unto they nostrils. And although it's not much more CO2 than thou art used to, our emissions being unclean and yet relatively insignificant, still Al Gore, that great profit, has declared that we are guilty, and must tithe and tithe again until we are clean once more and the Earth's atmosphere is pure Oxygen.

And so thou has smitten us with drought. But being smarter than the average god, thou has smitten us with drought that falleth as cats and dogs: even as stair-rods. Yea for forty days the flood-gates of heaven have been opened, even as in the days of Noah.

In the past thou sent oft on our forefathers and foremothers just ordinary boring drought, and they cried unto heaven and thou heardest and relentedst (or else heardest and took no notice, and the country dried up even as the Negev and everybody died) but in these latter days of drought, the rain it raineth every day and lo we might even drown of drought.

So hear our cry, withdraw thy hand. And let it rain only at night, so the reservoirs may be as filled as the waters of the sea. And return our hose-pipes from exile, that we may once again wash our cars and clean the fascias, as in the days of our forefather.

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