Thursday 30 August 2012

Heaven (Tax) Haven

Politicians on all sides have been calling for action on a new tax-avoidance scheme.

A whole bunch of clever lawyers totally failed to discover the so-called "treasure in heaven" loophole, which was first identified by a carpenter in Israel.

"It's a very simple scheme," explained a Labour spokesperson. "By giving away your money and possessions you avoid paying any tax on them at all. In the short term the money is "lent" to those who really need it. But in the long term, it's in an off-planet account in a tax haven called "Heaven" and you collect in full later - in a place with no inflation, rust or moths. The brochure is most specific about the rust and moths. The HMRC can't touch you. We want this loophole plugged, and plugged now - who are ordinary people to decide what to do with their own money? That's our job."

The Government was more guarded in its approach. "Clearly your money is yours to give away or spend as you wish," said a junior Treasury minister. "However these kinds of long-term, large scale investments are another matter. How are we going to clear the deficit if everyone's storing their treasure up in heaven?"

However the minister had some more positive words to say about "Jesus", the mysterious figure who first introduced this scheme.
"I wish he were around today," she said, "he had a fantastic track-record of healing the lame, the blind and those with mental illness. Think of the savings we could make in Disability Living Allowance. And we could "streamline" the NHS tomorrow."


  1. Just think of the savings if we got rid of Government all together. No Parliament (and the House of Common's is falling down around them anyway (Daily Express 30 Aug 12) so they will be redundant when it collapses.

    Off course they could all meet on their knee's in Westminster Abbey (as long as they pay the admission fee) and pray for divine providence - which would be as good as the policies they make and break daily. At least Maggie said she wasn't for turning, while Daily Cameron spins more and faster than my spinning top as a child.


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