Monday, 11 March 2013

Nativity of Douglas Adams

A cold wind blows across the Lost Planet of Magrathea. An android plays dramatic music, with ironic intent. Beaker People, Ravenous Bugblatter  Beasts and small pink furry creatures from Alpha Centauri enter in procession.

Archdruid: Peace be with frood.

All: And also with frood.

Archdruid: We stand to sing a Betelgeusian Death Anthem.

(17 verses later)

All: That was unpleasantly like being drunk.

LAMENT 

Archdruid: I thought you'd like to know I'm feeling very depressed.

All: I seem to have this terrible problem with my lifestyle.

Archdruid: But did you see that sunrise? Those two suns - it was like two mountains of fire, boiling off into space.

All: We've seen it. It was rubbish.

PRAYER OF HOPEFUL VALEDICTION

Archdruid: May you always have the Answer
And search for the Question.
May your Pan-galactic Gargleblasters always feel like you've smashed your mind out with a gold brick
May the Vogons never vapourise your planet
To make way for a hyperspace bypass
May your Arcturan mega-cows be cooked by Dentrassi
And always want to be eaten
May you find a cup of tea just when you want one
May you always know where your towel is
May you have faith in the future of all life kind
Even though we know it hasn't got one
And may you never forget that last message that God sent to his Creation:
"We apologise for the inconvenience".

All: You know that Archdruid Eileen? That's one hoopy frood!







5 comments :

  1. So Long! And thanks for all ... posts :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. May you never find Arcturan mega-horse-meat in your Arcturan mega-cows.

    Presumably, when being baptised, one says: "I can pour a bucket of water over my head if you like. Would you like that?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or, worse, grated Arcturan mega-donkey.

      Delete

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