A Less Dangerous Flapjack

I'm quite amazed at the news that an Essex school has banned triangular flapjacks. It's on the BBC, so I guess it's probably true.

I can kind of see the point (ho ho) in going from triangular to square flapjackular cross-section. A 90 degree angle is necessarily going to be less pointy than a 60 degree one. But still - there are four sharp corners on a square flapjack. The slightly less pointedness of the points, is outweighed by the 33pc greater chance of being hit by a point.

Clearly what the school should be doing is insisting on circular flapjacks. However this would leave unused corners all over the place - most unsatisfactory in these financially straitened times.

And why do they think flapjacks are the only dangerous food? We regularly get eye injuries on "Hazelnut Day", when we all try to ping nuts off the nose of the picture of Mother Julian. That's why we introduced safety glasses. But even now, people can get nasty rubber-band whiplash on their thumbs.

I suggest Essex schools switch to pancakes. They are round, and so fly spectacularly well. But they're round before they're cooked, so you don't waste any mix. And they're soft, so they won't cut you. In fact, the only danger would seem to be if you threw an over-cooked crispy pancake. And that could leave you with a nasty bruise.