Cheap, Renewable and Useless

Worshippers as a renewable energy source. Why has nobody thought of it before?

See, when Eileen told me about Burton's new research into Spiritual Temperature, I had a bright idea.

Burton's proved that he can measure the Spiritual Temperature of a worshipper and that there can be quite a difference between different environments. But according to the 2nd Law of Pneumodynamics, you can't tap the Spiritual Temperature directly. But you can if you can somehow attach a spiritual themocouple - a pneumocouple - between points of different Spiritual Temperature. I estimated that between a Pentecostal meeting and the prayers at the start of a PCC meeting, I could generate maybe 0.3 milliWimbers - enough to power a small town, or maybe Mad Priest's comments pages.

I wanted to start on a slightly smaller scale. So I hooked up the "positive" end to the Beaker People's Worship Focus Festival - seventeen "stations" scattered around the Moot House, from the "consider the beauty of an elephant" icon to the "creative tambourines" workshop. And I attached the "negative" end to the local Methodist Ladies' Bright Hour. There's only three of them left, and they mostly have a cup of coffee and a natter.

Well, you've already imagined what happened. That's because you're probably cleverer than I am. You're all druids, rectors, priestesses and bishops and things and I just work for Mid-Beds Council.
So it turned out the real source of spiritual power was the small, dusty room off a decrepit chapel just over the Buckinghamshire border. While 50 Beaker Folk making themselves feel self-fulfilled and signing ancient praises didn't generate enough spiritual energy to blow your hat off. My machine, effectively having Live plugged into Earth and vice-versa, suffered a massive unexpected power surge. Took out the wall of the Doily Shed. Eileen is, once again, really annoyed and I now share with the Mona Lisa the absence of eyebrows.

Don't forget, I do these experiments because you don't want to.